Survive your fear!

 
Are you facing FEAR? The kind of gut wrenching fear that comes with a very bad medical diagnosis or maybe with impending financial ruin? Perhaps you are about to loose your house and you really don't know how to make it till the end of the month? I suddenly faced fear when I was given a cancer diagnosis six years ago. At first it was paralyzing me and it literally felt as if it wanted to "eat me up", just like this tiger would if he really was alive and standing in front of you! But I survived, not only the cancer, but also the fear! I have now created a very short video of my story and posted it on YouTube in order to encourage anyone else who struggles with fear.

Click here to watch

This video is my personal testimony and explains, with the help of the movie Life of Pi, how I survived the fear I was facing after I received my "bad news". It really doesn't matter what the cause if for your fear, Life of Pi will hopefully inspire you, just like it inspired me, to face and overcome your fears. I made it and I am sure so can you! Please share this video with anyone who you think might need it. I believe that facing your fears is one of the biggest steps you can take towards healing and restoration and I can honestly say that I am healed today in every way!

There is a longer version of the same video on YouTube and I will put both links below, but it is the shorter one that I have posted recently. Here they are:

Survive your fear!  (3 minutes version)

Survive your fear!  (9 minutes version)

I hope you will watch either one and find it inspiring!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

(Photos are mine.)

Getting through my day with the help of a "Rubik's Cube"...

Who will join me on a quest for "right living"? I need it and if you could use some help to get through your day, then allow me to use a Rubik's Cube to show you how!

Do you remember or even know this ever popular colorful toy? It has a way of getting all muddled up and it can take quite a while to get it resolved and sorted again. Some people can resolve this cube in a matter of minutes, but for others it takes a whole lot longer. There is a system to this seeming madness and I had been exploring it for a while, when it occurred to me, that life - my life - seems to resemble a Rubik's Cube! Curious? Then accompany me on a few moments of "pondering" here...

At the beginning of my life, I probably resembled the little cube on the right. Perfectly sorted and ready for school. Eager to learn new things in life. At that time, I did not know yet that we have an enemy. But if you take this cube and show it to any group of children, you will find them screaming - "Can I mess it up, pleeeze?" Everyone seems to just want to mess these cubes up and occasionally I wonder if the devil might stand at the sight of a newborn child, asking the very same question. Yes, perhaps this seems a little negative, but bear with me for just a little longer! As much as I believe that the devil would love to mess us up, I also believe that God is the Master solver of Human Rubik's Cubes! He can and will straighten out ANY mess...if you let him. All you have to do, is put your life into His hands.

There are three parts to a day - morning, midday and evening - just like there are three layers to a cube. Now, when you start solving a Rubik's Cube you will have to start with the first layer and the first thing you have to set right is the inner cross. I chose the green side as my "morning", so you will see on the picture to the left that my cross is green. Then, only after you have a cross, can you start sorting out the corners. So perhaps quite obviously, the first thing I learnt from this cube is that we should PRAY FIRST before we start our day! I find that once I have gone to the cross, the "corners" of my morning become a whole lot easier to resolve. This first layer of the cube is still fairly easy to resolve and my mornings usually seem quite easy to manage too. But when I leave the house, that's when I sometimes begin to struggle...

After you have completed the bottom layer, it does become a little more complicated and if your intention is to complete the cube (or in my case to get through my day), then you would do best to learn some of the algorithms that are shown in the little manual that comes with the cube. Me personally, I would not be able to complete the middle layer without them, so I did make an effort and learnt them by heart. It paid off. I became much faster at resolving the cube and I realized that the same applies to my life. I believe we are not born into this world randomly, we do have purpose and we do have a manual that gives us the "algorithms" for an easier passage through the journey of our life - the BIBLE. The bible is the manual to all of life's questions and one of my favorite Scriptures is found in Jeremiah 6:16 - "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it and you will find rest for your souls." (NIV) So, if you were wondering how to get through the middle of your day, there you go! Stop, pray and do what the bible tells you to do. Read it, if and when you can, so that you will find your answers and eventually learn them by heart. The bible has thousands of perfect algorithms for life and if you follow these ancient paths and keep following Jesus, then you are well on your way to becoming whole. I did and my days have become a whole lot easier!

But we are not finished yet. Having completed the first and the middle layer of the cube (you can see in the picture to the left that I now have two perfect layers of red), you will need to tackle the top layer now. This is "the evening". I suppose it will come as no surprise when I tell you that you have to start with a cross again in order to finish the cube. There is no point in trying to solve the corners if you don't have a cross. It just won't work. I cannot tell you how many times I have desperately tried to finish some incomplete tasks in my day but to no avail. A total overload throughout the day and I just couldn't seem to get finished! But how easily it was then resolved once I spoke to God! He really does want to help us finish our daily tasks! It might seem too easy, but I can assure you it works - take time to talk to God in the morning and at night and throughout the day keep working biblical "algorithms" and the cube (your day and your life) will start looking better and better, but BEWARE...

Just before you solve the Rubik's Cube, when you are busy aligning the last few corner pieces, the cube goes through a phase when it seems to be "totally muddled up" again! The instruction booklet actually warns you not to get distracted by this, as it will resolve itself soon after if you keep going. Wow, I find that so relevant and encouraging! Because how often do we feel completely discouraged just before a major breakthrough?! 1 Peter 5:10 says: "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." (NLT) [emphasis added] And that's exactly what is going to happen next! My cube (in the picture above) is only four moves away from being completely restored and perhaps so are you and me. Are you shouting "amen" yet, at least in your mind?! I don't know about you, but it makes my heart jump for joy to know that I can be made whole again and so, at least for today, it will be a bit easier to look at those "muddled up corners" of my life. My record time to restore a Rubik's Cube is 75 seconds and it certainly seems to take a little longer to restore some problem areas in my life. But I believe Jesus has a special heart for muddled up Rubik's Cube people. He wants to help us sort out every piece of our day and our life and I am so grateful that the bible says that God will finish the work that He has started (Phil 1:6).

So, having pondered over the Rubik's Cube for a while now, I have come to the following conclusion: Don't spend time worrying today about all the messy parts in your life...instead give your everyday life to Jesus and know that you too might only be a few moves away from being restored! Jesus is in the business of saving people and you could be His next Rubik's Cube!

Have an AMAZING week!

I am working on a YouTube version of this blog post, so if you would like to see it on video one day, just subscribe to my channel suePONDERS and you will be notified and easily find it when it's there.

(Photos are my own.)

(Just in case you noticed, yes, I did have this post up in August 2012, but I believe it was worthy of re-posting. So this is the new and revised version of it. I hope you liked it!)

The Secret to Steve Jobs' success?

Have you noticed that every person has a story to tell? There seem to be millions of stories in the world, but only few actually have "listeners". The story I told you about in my last seven posts was written by David L. Cook, based on a multitude of real people and I could easily have been one of them. It's the story of a once destructive path, redeemed by a loving God. There are many types of stories in this world and once in a while, there is an extraordinary story that the entire world seems to take notice of. A story like the one of Steve Jobs. Ever since I printed one of his quotes in my blog something grabbed me and I decided to dig around in the internet and read up on his story a little. I was curious. What might have been the secret to his phenomenal success? Was he happy? It didn't take long and I found a common thread running through his life. Walk with me, for a little while, as I explore just a tiny part of his story...

Steve Jobs was adopted at an early age and during his childhood, he often stuck to himself. According to an internet biography, he preferred competitive swimming over team sports, so he didn't seem to mind competition, but he did prefer to compete alone. In his teens, he spent a lot of time in his neighbor's garage playing with all sorts of gadgets and electronics, so you could say, that in his childhood, Steve Jobs was a bit of a loner. Later, he dropped out of college, but kept attending his favorite courses and if necessary, he collected bottles and returned them for money so he could buy food. Considering this humble beginning, his story is even more incredible, especially his rise to fame. So what might be the secret of his success? How did he do it? How did he get there at such a young age? I am sure there are millions of people more qualified than me to answer this question, but here's what I have been pondering over:

Difficult childhood  =  (usually) lots of quiet time

A loner as a teen  =  (probably) more quiet time

Spending his early adulthood in a garage  =  (very likely) tons of quiet time

It appears to me that Steve Jobs definitely has had a lot of opportunity for "quiet times"! So I dare ask - could "quiet times" somehow have been the base of Steve Jobs' success? What does real success start with?

Let's first define "quiet time" as a restful time that we (usually) spend alone. Some people spend their quiet time sitting in a chair simply pondering, reading or in conversation with God. Other people spend quiet time on the fairway of a golf course. But whatever you do, quiet time is defined by a certain amount of solitude. Judging from what I read about Steve Jobs early life, he seems to have had a lot of quiet time. I don't know if he ever had any conversations with God, but he did seem to prefer solitude over a raving party. Now, in my personal experience, during a good "quiet time" God will not only show us much needed corrections, He will also show us our true passion and calling in life and no doubt, quiet times are there to renew our energy levels and gather strength. Any long distance runner will tell you that without well timed stops along the wayside of a very long race, there is no race being won! These stops are crucial and serve to replenish much needed energy. But in a frantically busy world, that seems to be on a permanent "fast forward", most people don't seem to replenish anymore! Many of us face a life depleted of energy and inspiration. But this doesn't have to be! Well timed stops - "quiet times" - will allow us to replenish abundantly!

Steve Jobs was one of the wealthiest men in the world and certainly one of the most gifted businessmen in the history of the USA. I suppose it is possible that he simply launched a product at the right point in time and in the right market, but there are so many failures in this world, so many products that never took off at all, that I wonder - how did he know? How did he get the timing just right? I believe that the answer could be quite simple. That the foundation to his success, to making it all work together at the right time, might just be nothing more than quiet time! Steve Jobs, at a young age was wise enough to allow himself a lot of quiet time, during which he was likely to see the "bigger picture" of what was happening in his life as well as in the lives of others. Many others that one day would become his customers. He even said so himself. He spent a lot of time "calming his mind" during which his intuition blossomed and somewhere along the way "Apple" must have taken shape in his mind. Of course he did have an advantage. He was young and he still had the energy to turn his visions into actions and his actions into success. A truly rare occurrence nowadays on such a large scale. So rare, that we write books about it, make movies and stare at them in awe, wondering...how could it be done? Life has become very complicated, when it could and should be so simple. Quiet time. Spend time with God. Often. Even when you are young and restless and not "in the mood" for it! Perhaps, especially when you are young for the promise of benefit is right here:

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. 

They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven." 

Psalms 107:29-30 NIV

I admit. I will probably never know what really guided Steve Jobs to his desired haven. But my guess would be quiet times. It makes sense to me. It was during quiet times that my path was straightened and I set course for my own desired haven! No, I can't claim any sort of rise to fame, but it definitely worked for me and I am certain that it would work for you too. So, if you secretly hope to be the next Steve Jobs or you just wish you could have a small but very own piece of success, may it be monetary or otherwise, I suggest - stop thinking about ingenious products, market gaps and other people's stories of success and start at the source of it all - have a quiet time! Learn to calm your mind. You might just discover your true passion and calling and a new road to greatness could open for you! We live in a world that seems to be growing colder and colder and perhaps we need great stories like Steve Jobs' to look up to, but one of the greatest stories in God's kingdom is still a fruit bearing tree. Someone who is willing to show kindness to others. So even or especially if your life seems to have frosted over like this tree, I would like to encourage you today and wish you...

...an inspired and wonder-filled day!!

(Photos are my own or courtesy of morguefile.com)

The Journey to the center of Me - Part 7

WELCOME BACK to my final post based on the book "Seven Days in Utopia - Golf's Sacred Journey" by David L. Cook. In a series of seven posts I tried to link all the learnings that a burnt-out golfer takes, to motherhood and my own journey as a "once-burnt-out" mom. On Day 7 in Utopia, the golfer will have to confront some "buried lies" and reading this book gave me a chance to do the same. I want you to know that David L. Cook has such a gentle way of leading you to this point, that I cannot help but recommend that you read his book! The much needed knowledge that I have received from this book, has forever changed how I feel about motherhood! My posts might make more sense if they are read from the beginning, so perhaps you want to go back to Day 1. But if you are ready, let's move on and I invite you to walk with me for the last few steps of my own journey, a journey to the center of "me"...

Utopia cemetery

Are we chasing scores to impress others...?

On Day 7 , the last day that the golfer spends in Utopia, he meets with the farmer on a small cemetery. Over the past six days it had become clear that he was struggling, because his golf scores and his self-identity had merged into one and his life otherwise had little in the way of foundations. On the cemetery, the farmer gently explains to the golfer that life, in the end, will be measured by significance, not by a score. Holding a bible, he shares that this most incredible book reveals that someday, we will all stand before our Maker and give an account of our life and he invites him to leave the insignificant habit of "score-chasing" behind and start a new life. All his life, the golfer had believed that his main calling was to be a great golfer and he never considered that he was selling himself short, that he could do more. But this is about to change. In the middle of a cemetery under a shady tree, the farmer shares the gospel message with him, by reading him the story of Simon Peter, a fisherman who had also been driven by performance. Simon, having caught nothing one day, tired and hungry, decided to listen to Jesus and follow his advice and the result was spectacular. He was able to witness the greatest success of his career. In the past, the golfer had been controlled by a need for "performance" and "success" and like Simon, he had somehow lost sight of what it means to live a life of real significance.  At the end of his week in Utopia, he is finally learning that success is only a destination we pass on the way through life, but significance is an eternal calling. By inviting Simon to follow Him, Jesus gave Simon the offer of a life of significance and the farmer was doing the same for the golfer, by sharing the gospel message with him. 

So the Golfer comes to a crossroad on Day 7 and he is taking a new road! On this new road, he will leave his fear of failure behind. His identity will no longer be tied to a game but to God. His purpose will no longer be in scoring in a game, but in a calling that has eternal value, which is revealed in the last chapter of this book. (Don't worry...I won't spoil it, I will let you read it!) But before he leaves, the farmer asks him to do one last thing...to write down all the lies that he has learnt along his journey through life and then, right next to them, write out the truth of God's Word that he had now learnt in the past seven days. These truths would finally set him free. On that day, on the cemetery in Utopia, the golfer buries his lies and though feeling a bit awkward at first, he begins his first conversation with God...

Stop...and consider the road you are walking on...?

There are such awesome parallels to my life in this chapter of the book and I wish I could share it all, but I will try and finish with just a few reflections and I hope that one day you will read this book and enjoy it too. In my last 16 years as a mother, my thoughts were and still are, for the most part, consumed by my children. After all, being a mom is what I do. It has defined me to the point that my performance as a mother and my self-identity have also merged into one and I must say, I was struggling too. I was lacking a good foundation of balance and self-confidence, with the result, that after a "good" day (equaling a good score for the golfer), I would feel good about myself, but after a "bad" day, I would feel defeated and drained. I didn't realize that life as a mother is not measured by how well we organize our day, but by the significant little moments we spend with our kids. I know that now. But some years back, all I wanted to do was being the best mother I could possibly be and although being a mother is an honorable calling, I am now finding out that I have sold myself short. That I too can do more. In the past, I have been controlled by my "performance", always chasing a "good" day but my life was a series of ups and downs and I eventually craved a more steady pace. Like the golfer, I did come to a personal crossroad and I have chosen a new way. A way where I can leave the fear of failure behind and my identity is not tied to my performance anymore, but to God. From now on, I don't want to seek my purpose in how well I do, but in how well I listen to God. From a fictitious golfer in a very real place, I have learnt to live life the SFT way - "See it, feel it, trust it." For me, this means to see His face, feel His presence and trust His love." Not in Utopia, but in a reading chair, placed in a quiet corner in my home, a transformation has taken place that I cannot begin to put into words. I have certainly shed enough tears to fill a grave, but at the lowest point in my life, I have begun conversations with God. In that quiet and private corner of my home, He has helped me to clear all the lies of my past and to replace them with His truth and a brand new hope.

Allow Jesus to step into your boat...!

I am not a preacher, not even an evangelist, but I believe with every fiber of my being that there is a God. In the past few years, I have seen His hand print upon my life over and over and I have felt His presence closer than the wind upon my face. I also believe that He has a plan for my life and yours and that you are not reading this by chance. David L. Cook's book reminded me that it is our job to seek God and listen to His calling for our lives and that He gives us the grace to accept or reject Him - the choice is ours. In the final words of the chapter called "Buried Lies", the farmer adds that the bible says that this new road leads to heaven and that faith is the fuel that will move us from mile marker to mile marker. In other words - nobody is perfect at once! The first step we need to take is to realize that there is a God and that He is calling us to an adventure. Not only the golfer, but us all! The second step will be to ask God to forgive our sins that have kept us from taking this road before and the third step will then be to "get into the boat with the Master" and make Him the captain of our own life. Jesus will help us to push out into the deep water and He will tell us where to fish, no matter what job we are in, even or perhaps especially mothers. The outcome or success will always be in His hands, not ours and the most awesome thing that I have already witnessed myself is that the fear of failure will be removed from our lives! All we have to do is to ask God to forgive us for running in the wrong direction and to lead us down this new road through faith in His Son. If you are in dire need of a change of direction like I used to be...why not give Him the helm of your boat too?

But whatever you decide...He will always love you and I pray that you will have a blessed Christmas and...

...a GREAT WEEK!

 

...but what is wrapped under my Xmas tree has little real value and its joy will 

fade very quickly compared to what Jesus has done for me! I finally get it...!! 

Thank you Lord!

The Journey to the center of Me - Part 6 (Teatime!)

Teatime! While I am working on my next post, I just wanted to share a thought...

This is a photo I took a while ago, but it reminded me so beautifully to question by who's hand I live. On my request, the seagull was being fed deep fried chips, which is not at all part of its natural food, but we did it in order to attract it and much in the same way, not everything we receive from others is good for us...so the question is - by whose hand do we live?

John 6:35 says: "Jesus replied, ''I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." (NLT)

HAPPY ADVENT and as always...HAVE A GREAT WEEK! 

 

(Photo is my own. This animal might have been harmed in the making of it, for which I apologize! I won't do it again.)

The Journey to the center of Me - Part 6

I am almost finished with my series on David L. Cook's book "Seven Days in Utopia - Golf's Sacred Journey" and on Day 6, in a chapter titled "Hickory Sticks", everything starts coming together in Utopia.

If you have never read any posts of mine before, then I must confess to you right now that most of my life as a mother I have been so preoccupied with "doing things right" that I rarely got to enjoy my time with my kids. Sound familiar? I have decided that this must change! Though I might always remain a "non-perfect" mom, I am determined to enjoy myself now!

On Day 6 in Utopia, a farmer who took in a "burnt out" golfer, reviews a newly learnt process with him called "See, Feel and Trust". He wants him to "see" the target, "feel" the ball going that way and "trust" himself enough to make the shot. Trusting himself more, would finally allow him to ENJOY the game and might just allow him to see greatness unfold.

Oh, how I would love to be a great mother! But I'm afraid I am not. So what could I learn from this golfer to get there? How would I be able to apply this same process - to see...feel...and trust?

Reading this book, it seemed to me that this farmer is a bit like Jesus who is urging us to have a relationship with him, so that He can teach us. When I decided to have more quiet times, I could start hearing His gentle invitation: "See me"..."Feel my presence" and "Trust my guidance" - that's the SFT for a mom! Jesus is a very gentle coach and I truly believe that when we choose to trust God and stop living by other people's standards, that's when a great mom is revealed. 

But sometimes, in order to get there, we need to climb out of a box labeled "comfort zone", a box that can easily become a self-imposed prison. Much of my early adult years, I have spent developing a performance identity and I cared so much about what other people thought of me that I didn't realize  I was building my own prison. I was marching straight into a place where my passion and love for life would give way to an ever demanding fear of failure. For a very long time I have based my identity and self-worth on the shallow opinions of other people. I was a prisoner of what I thought they were thinking of me, whether or not they were actually thinking anything at all! But now Jesus is my defense attorney and He is seeking my appeal! Inside my head and my heart, He reminds me every day that the goal is not perfection, the goal is simply to stay in relationship with Him and to follow His new checklist for me - SEE me, FEEL my presence and TRUST my guidance. After all, the bible says that Jesus' passion is to set people free from prisons (or boxes)!

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a BAD mother and I didn't only have bad days. But when I planned my overly busy days, I usually got exactly that - just an overly busy day. I chose busyness over peace and togetherness, I chose to ignore the simple way of life and followed the ways of "the world" instead. For many months I knew in my heart that this kind of frantically busy and perfectionistic lifestyle was wrong, but I followed it anyway, because I didn't know how to change. So I pleaded with God, in my first quiet times. Shortly after, I came across this book with a checklist that might seem simple in concept, but it can be rather difficult to put into practice in our daily lives. I have come a long way, since I read this book and some things have finally "clicked". For the first time in my life I understand the idea of "letting things happen". I can't always control the score, but I can control the process. What does this mean? As a mother, I can't always control the outcome of a day or any particular situation, but I can control my behavior throughout it all. I now believe that in motherhood, it's not really the score that counts, but how we behave while we are walking the fairway. My days might still be stressful and nerve-wrecking at times, but I can enjoy any day if I am walking with God. This new mini-checklist of mine called "SFT" puts me into a position where I can have the best day possible at any given time. It doesn't guarantee perfection, it just increases the odds for my having the day I wanted to have. So, you could say that by having more quiet times I have moved the odds in my favor.

I might be no golfer, so I don't need to see, feel and trust my golf shot. But I am a MOM and I want to live life the "SFT" way from now on! I am impressed with the progress it has already produced in my life and if you find it an intriguing idea, I simply recommend that you buy the book! (You can click on the link underneath the photo in Part 1 if you want to purchase it.) We tend to hold independence sacred nowadays when in truth, the hearts of so many moms remain imprisoned, for the lack of wisdom being shared. I have found so much wisdom in this book! But most of it I have found in my quiet times. I have come to God desperate for hope and it has been given. I have also asked for answers to some of my biggest challenges and I have found them. I was in dire need of a mentor and he finally showed up in the form of Jesus. He won't ask for payment, He will only invite you to live life His way and I can testify that He will transform your life for the better in so many ways! I am definitely much more relaxed than I used to be and I have finally started to enjoy my life. 

I hope you will join me in a couple of weeks for what might be the last part in this series, but until then...

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

(Photos are courtesy of morguefile.com)

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 5

I do realize that Part 4 of "The Journey to the center of Me" might have been a tad too long, so I will try and make this one shorter. A blog post ought to be short but still have something worthwhile to share, which leads me to start with the following question...

What could I possibly learn from a golfer that is worthwhile knowing as a mother?

My PPL was easier to qualify for than the dummy!

My current posts are based on a book titled "Seven Days in UTOPIA" by David L. Cook, in which a professional golfer learns that he has not been properly prepared for tournament play. By reading this book, I have realized, neither have I. Not for the tournaments that follow year after year when you have two or more kids. So, on Day 5 in Utopia, in a chapter titled "Pilot's Checklist", the golfer learns about the benefit of being prepared for an emergency during a bumpy flight in a small airplane. Several years ago I actually obtained a Pilot's license myself but I stopped flying when I became pregnant with my first child. To find a chapter in this book relating to that part of my life, was rather exciting for me! But I believe it will hold exciting pointers for you too, whether or not you have learnt to fly. Preparing for an emergency is what every mother can relate to!

Have you ever taken a trip in a little 2-seater airplane? I have and let me tell you, it can be downright scary at times! Especially when the instructor decides to secretly cut off your fuel supply and stall your engine, just to test whether or not you would be prepared for such an emergency. So, I know all too well what it means to prepare for an emergency when it comes to flying, but I didn't really know how to prepare for emergencies when I became a mom. I was ill prepared and the result was a ton of (partly subconscious) fears. What if I fail? What if my baby gets ill? What if I won't be able to cope with it? What if I am a bad mother? What if everyone else is a better one? So many fears and anxieties and I desperately needed some answers. This book finally guided me towards several.

Fact is, when it comes to flying, the only solution to the threat of an emergency, is a well rehearsed emergency checklist. In this book, the farmer, a very seasoned pilot, appeared to be very much in control. Mostly because handling emergencies has become second nature to him. He had practiced them hundreds of times and now he was teaching the golfer that in an environment ripe with emergencies he'd do well to prepare for emergencies also. Would you agree with me, that motherhood is definitely an environment ripe for emergencies? Just take the simple example of a toddler on a playground without his mother's constant supervision. An emergency waiting to happen! Agree? Mom constantly needs to be in control and if she's not, it might end up in some sort of a "crash landing" for the toddler. But all this required focused attention can become very stressful for a mother. By the time my first born reached the age of seven, I was already nearing what I call a "mommy's burnout". I was stressed out from being a mom. Sadly, and I confess, feeling out of control often had the potential to turn me into an angry mom. Even though I usually managed to stay calm on the outside, on the inside, I often panicked in the face of an emergency. I felt overwhelmed if my tonsillitis child would suddenly be sick or I stressed over fevers that would get too high. I piled up a lot of stress on the inside, because I wasn't well prepared.

The golfer learns that his pre-shot checklist would become the most valuable asset in tournament play and be his foundation. I have now learnt that the same applies to me. A great "pre-shot" checklist can be compiled in just a very short early morning quiet-time and it has become a very stable foundation for me. Take-off is an art and the conditions are never the same, whether you are taking off on a flight or into a day as a mother. As a pilot and as a mother I can tell you, that developing a checklist every morning and focusing on it throughout your day will help make your day a whole lot easier! Confidence comes from being prepared for an emergency and I believe that most days in motherhood are about preparation too. It might be a different kind of preparation, but the principle remains the same. I dare-say that motherhood is probably one of the jobs we get least prepared for and many of us desperately need help. But with granny often thousands of miles away, we have to figure it out (or we Google it) as we go along. 

Another thing I remember very clearly from learning to fly is that every time when a pilot wants to take off he has to contact the tower. Without the tower, there will be no safe flight! On some days, during my flying adventures, there seemed to be static interference in the transmission between the tower and my little plane, but I would have to make the call nonetheless and I always waited until I heard the words "cleared for take off". I am sure you might be able to guess where I am going with this...I prefer to fly in the safety of knowing that God is watching over my day and He has cleared it for take off!! So, in the last few years, I have developed a new habit of early morning quiet times and I have seen the blessings that come from them to the point that I can now honestly say that without His clearance, I would not dare to fly. By the way, in very remote areas, there are landing strips where you are out of reach from the nearest tower and then the rule is - make a "blind" radio call. Inform everyone else that might be up in the air, that you are about to take off too. I have practiced this several times  during my early flying days and what a wonderful analogy of my first quiet times! I used to sit down, not sure if God is hearing me, but I was determined to try. So, if you think that your transmission is not being received by the tower, the best advice I can give you for now is - make the call anyway! When the static around you settles, you will hear his reply!

I hope that you are, were or will be better prepared for emergencies in motherhood than me. But when you get ready to take off tomorrow morning, please don't forget to make that radio call! Take a breather...have a little quiet time...and go through your pre-flight checklist and you will see that it will give you the confidence you need throughout your day!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK and many happy landings!

(Images are my own or courtesy of morguefile.com)

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 4 (snackbreak!)

Snackbreak! I am working on my next post, but in the meantime, I thought I would share an interesting quote from Steve Jobs (Co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc.) that beautifully underlines the importance of "quiet times". Perhaps it will inspire you, hearing it from such a successful businessman...

"Coming back (to America) after seven months in Indian villages, I saw the craziness of the Western world as well as its capacity for rational thought. If you just sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time, it does calm, and when it does, there's room to hear more subtle things - that's when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you could see before. It's a discipline, you have to practice it."   Steve Jobs

My own journey will continue soon! In the meantime...HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

Every morning starts with a new promise, same as yesterday...HE LOVES YOU!

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 4

WELCOME BACK to Part 4 of my healing journey that I am taking on the fairways of a golf course. David L. Cook in his book titled "Seven Days in UTOPIA, Golf's Sacred Journey" is writing to golf players mostly, but his book has taught me so much about motherhood, that I decided to share some of my thoughts in this series of diary posts. You are most welcome to go back to Part 1, 2 and 3 if you haven't already done so and you will find that I have learnt about giving up control, gaining rhythm and balance and how to paint a picture of what I want my days to be like...all with the help of this book. Today, I want to look at what is more important - tradition or truth? I will spend some time on the putting green, approaching the target. The question might arise in your mind as to what the target is and I hope that by the end of this post I will have answered it adequately.

On Day 4 in the village of Utopia, tradition clashes with truth on the putting green. In my childhood "traditions" have clashed with "truth" quite often too or at least that's what it felt like in my heart. Some "traditions" did not make any sense to me at all and so I very much enjoyed this chapter! I hope that you will enjoy it also.

Tradition...

Truth...?

Traditions are "set ways" and that is not always how we wish things to be. In the book, the farmer (he is the teacher, if you haven't been reading my blogs up until now) makes a very profound statement. He says: "I respect tradition, but I have a passion for truth." Oh, how I can relate to that!! He goes on to explain that tradition seems to generally have a vicious grip on most people and that golf is a game where tradition is sacred too. But the farmer wants the golfer (his student) to come away from the way he has been putting and try something completely new. He wants him to approach the target "face on". Golf is being played sideways on the fairway, but according to the farmer, when it comes to putting, you ought to be looking straight at the target while you are making the putt. But the golfer is nervous. He has never played golf this way before. Traditionally, putting is also done sideways. He tries and he is rather speechless when he succeeds, over and over again. This new method seems so much easier! It is simpler and more successful. But when the farmer challenges him to use this new method in a real tournament, he hesitates. He is suddenly unsure as he is afraid of what people might think of him, if he uses such a revolutionary putting method back home. Mostly, he is afraid that he might be laughed at, but he also realizes that he has become comfortable with tradition and that he has also become somewhat stuck in his "comfort zone". Tradition seems to be a great place to hide. Sometimes we don't want to try something new, because we are so used to the old. The farmer elaborates, that in a game of golf, most of the time the ball is hit "side-on" because it needs to be hit far. Golfers have become so used to standing "side-on" that when they approach the hole, they just carry on that way. They putt, only glancing at the hole, when it might be more beneficial to be standing face-on with both eyes on the target. So the farmer asks the golfer a crucial question: "Is it tradition you seek or truth? Is it excellence or acceptance?" These are two questions I have also faced on multiple occasions in the last few years and my answer is and will always be - truth! In a world that is now so incredibly rushed, we rarely slow down enough to question tradition. Take Father Christmas for example, a long standing tradition and a great photo opportunity for any mom with a cute toddler like mine. (I would like to add that ALL toddlers are cute of course!) But my daughter (now much older and more courageous) was petrified at the age of two of men in red suits and a white beard, so I made a very simple decision - no photos with Father Christmas for her! Tradition vs. truth...I prefer truth and I don't want to force her into anything for the sake of tradition. To make that decision, though, I had to slow down and observe what was actually going on.

Facing my ball with both eyes on the target...

We live in a busy world and even as moms or perhaps especially as moms, we are rushing from appointment to appointment and most of the time we just seem to be glancing at each other "side-ways". New habits, such as social media and cellphones also seem to be starting to have a grip on us, just look at a bunch of teenagers getting together nowadays! You will know what I mean. I believe the new "Word of the Year" among German youngsters is "Smombie" which describes the merger of humans and smartphones, a Smartphone Zombie or Smombie! Can you believe it? We are starting to merge with those things?? And then there's the issue of multi-tasking which we sometimes seem to be taking to an extreme. With the result that I know more women now with anxieties or some kind of stress reactions than women that have inner peace. What a crazy world that we seem to be living in! I have been watching other mothers for quite some time now and I try to learn from those who seem to remain focused despite the mounting pressure in today's world. There seem to be very few moms who get it "right" but those who do, I believe, are the ones that keep their eyes on the target while they are performing their daily tasks and chores. I believe we are moving our kids down a "fairway" every day, but when it comes to putting, at the end of the day, I always hope that there is enough time to be with them "face-on". My aim is to raise my kids to know God. Not only hear of Him, read about Him, but know him. That is my target. Now, I can make a putt with a side-ways approach but it will probably take longer, so what I need to do is spend time with them and with God face-on. Spending loads of time with God is the most beneficial thing I have done in the last couple of years! "Start the day with God, finish the day with God and in-between speak to Him as often as possible" - that is my simple new rule and the result...has already been spectacular! Quiet time with God has already brought an incredible amount of good changes in my life. But my new approach to life is so different from what it used to be and so totally against any traditions in my childhood years that I could not easily share it with others up until now. I come from a country where tradition and acceptance is everything. Daily conversations with God would be frown upon. But tradition is no longer everything to me. Truth is what is beginning to set me free and I love this new kind of freedom!

In the end of the chapter "Tradition vs. Truth" the golfer makes a radical change and breaks with tradition and so did I. I don't glance at God anymore, He is my target! Over 2000 years after Jesus was born, it seems to me that most people have forgotten how to approach the target - with honest conversation and an open heart and mind. Instead God is only glanced at sideways or not at all. The golfer was challenged to start a putting-revolution...the outcome of which you will see when I get to the end of the book. But for today...I intend to start a quiet-time revolution! Join me, if you like, in this new way of living! If, like me, you have spent enough time in the "bunkers" or "sandpits" of life, then reconsider the questions from the beginning of this post one more time: Is it tradition you seek or truth? Acceptance or excellence? From my side I will just add: Is it busyness your heart seeks or quiet time? I would love to hear what you chose in the comments below and I hope you will join me for Part 5 in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, take some time off from the fairway of life and...

...have a happy "quiet time" and a wonder-filled week!

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 3 (lunchbreak!)

Welcome back to my "Journey to the center of Me"! We are taking a quick pause on my journey this week, somewhat of a "lunch break" per say, to take a look at something very special...

I find that Day 3 in the book was intensely personal and very arty and I am not a very arty person at all. But I have learnt so much from this chapter and they were such crucial lessons, that I would like to point you to someone else, who can tell you a story of his own. It is a beautiful story about who we are and how God is painting the story of our lives and how he can turn us from the picture on the left into the picture just like the one on the right. The person presenting the message is Anthony Noble and though it might not be the most professional video, it is a most beautiful message, presented by one of the most humble servants of God. You can view his YouTube message here:

I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy it!

I hope you will visit again in a couple of weeks, when I continue with Day 4 of my own journey...

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

The Journey to the center of Me - Part 3

I am fully aware that I might be writing the current posts more for myself than for anyone else, but such is the nature of a diary, isn't it? If you are reading this, I am glad you are joining me for Day 3 on my healing journey (Day 1 and 2 are in the previous posts), a journey that is assisted by the book "Seven Days in UTOPIA, Golf's Sacred Journey" written by David L. Cook, PhD. In the first two days I learnt about finding answers in the right places and the importance of quiet times. I also shared with you that I finally figured out that it is never about what we achieve as a mom but how we achieve it. The next chapter in the book is titled "Signing a Masterpiece".

Please have a look at this picture for a moment...what do you see?

Image courtesy of www.morguefile.com

Do you just see a beautiful landscape or do you see that it is a golf course? And if you see the golf course...do you see the target or do you just see the obstacles, the trees?  The target, by the way is a tiny little flag at the end of the grass strip and sometimes it is very hard to spot! I definitely used to focus on the obstacles of my life, but with the help of this book I finally started to change that.

On "Day 3" in Utopia the golfer learns that in order to be a great player, he must become an artist. He learns that great golf shots start, similar to painting, with a blank canvas and that he must paint the shot with his eyes first, before his body can produce it. He must learn to "see the shot", "feel the shot" and then trust that he will make the right shot from that memory. Golf is a game played to a memory of what you pictured earlier. A golfer usually only glances at the hole, then he looks down and staring at the ball, he swings. He is attempting to move the ball according to the picture that has previously been imprinted in his mind. So it's kind of obvious that the "painting" in his mind is paramount to whether or not his shot will succeed. Our golfer also learns that trees, bunkers and water are not his enemies nor are any other object on the course. Golf players often look upon such objects with fear or disdain and allow them to steal their energy and focus, but they are actually just a part of the course, a part of their perspective and they can be guides that lead them to the target. One particular tree dominates our golfer's landscape and from where he stands, it demands most of his attention because of its imposing size. He realizes, that it takes effort to see beyond it and concludes that this might be why sometimes it is so difficult in golf to even "see" the shot - because the immediate environment very often simply commands attention. The right perspective becomes a key component to his progress now. The farmer teaches him that in order to be an artist and a great golfer, he has to let go of "perfect". This is new, something he has never done before and for some time he struggles. A voice within, somewhat pessimistically keeps reciting all his inabilities and failures to him. But he persists and on "Day 3", assisted by the farmer, he manages to step back into his childhood and finds himself at play, with art as a new companion. It feels right and he finally learns to...see, feel and trust.

My summary of this chapter is of course very abbreviated, but it has lead me to some conclusions of great importance to myself. I believe that we all loved to be artists when we were little, but I wonder how many of us still see themselves as artists now? More importantly it has lead me to ask: Do I have to be an artist to be a good mother and am I creative? Every day in life starts with a "blank canvas", a new morning, and when I used to delve into my days randomly, when I lived them before I even painted them, they hardly ever turned out very well! But, when I started to take quiet times in the mornings, it was as if I was finally taking the time to "see" and "feel" what I wanted my days to be like and that's when things really began to change. I had never learnt to "paint a day with my eye" before. I always just tried to "survive" or "get through" my days. I often traveled from bunker to bunker and have let them steal my energy and focus!! It has never occurred to me to take the time and make a mental picture of the kind of day I wanted to have or of the kind of mother I wanted to be. But I have learnt that "painting my day" during an early morning quiet time has become paramount to my day being successful. I have learnt to paint and play according to what I have painted and it has made such a change!

Image courtesy of www.morguefile.com

Oh, and one more thing! One particular tree dominated the golfer's landscape and demanded most of his attention...remember? I have also encountered such a tree on my journey, but of course it wasn't a real tree, it was my mother. Perhaps some of you can relate? Do you have someone in your life that sometimes commands your attention, a little more than you would like them to? For me, it always took great effort to see beyond my mother, but I realize now that, though I sometimes might have perceived her as my enemy, she never really was. She was and is just a part of my story, part of my perspective on life and she, as well as all other challenges in my life, have just guided me to my target and my target is God. But in order to reach my target I too had to  first find the child within! I had to let go of "perfect" and just like the golfer I had to overcome a pessimistic and critical voice that can still be rather discouraging at times. I have started the journey to the "center of Me" and though my journey is not yet complete, I am much more "at play" now and art is becoming my constant companion, even though it might be my kind of art. My creativity seems to express itself in less "conventional" ways, though I certainly do enjoy a good time of baking. But I also enjoy creating an Instagram or a blog post and through it all I am starting to understand the art of letting go. All of life is starting to feel right when I just let go and "be me", when I see the truth, feel His love and trust that He will always be there with me and all of that starts flowing in my quiet times...

So, Day 3 has come to an end and I look forward to Day 4! I hope you will visit again in a couple of weeks when my 7-day journey continues...

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!